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Friday, 26 March 2004
Sweet, sweet Salvation
Beer is like Jesus. It is there in good times. It is there in bad times.
TLW
Posted by drunkinsanantonio
at 3:22 PM EST
Thursday, 25 March 2004
Silver Fox- in the eyes of Tucker
Well,well, well. Located in the small, touristy town of Leon Springs, Silver Fox comes complete with dime store cowboys and yuppies alike. It has the typical fake as shit brown paneling mixed with the typical trite decor of a beer joint/sports bar/not so honky tonks across Texas. The bar maids were pleasingly easy on the eyes and pretty quick to serve me even considering they were under staffed in proportion to the consumption rate of adult beverages.
The bathroom is a perfect blend of functionality and personal privacy. For the quick-to-piss-and-get-back-to-drinking there is a shiny stainless steel trough that will occupy about four at once with elbow room. The shitter is a complete sepetate facility within the facility with a heavy, locking door for those who suffer from stage fright or piss sitting down. I probably pissed about four times in the trough, at about a minute per piss. I give it a strong 4.5.
Prices were not anything to jump up and down about. Of course, if you drink swill cheapo crap like Phil, prices may be lower. However, being the beer-snob that I am, price has little bearing over my experience just about anywhere...to a point. I give her a 1, for not being out of the ordinary price range.
Entertainment gets a 3. There are all the great bar games, as well as weekend live music. If the patio area was in working order with tableside service, I would have been very satisfied.
Charm-2.5 Well, I guess the neon and dime store shit cowboys do give it a slightly surreal charm. Or maybe it's the grass.
Appearance can have a 2. I must admit that I do after all like shitty fake paneling every now and again at a watering hole, but I fucking hate carpet. Bars with carpet ususally smell like dank, mildewey pisspuke dives even when they may not be. Rip that shit out. There are many high speed ceiling fans however, which seem to comfort me.
I am willing to bet no harm as ever come to anyone in this place. I base this statement on the fact that no one will look you in the eye...even when you might just be staring at his chick's ass. Have a 5.
No wild card. I don't plan on returning unless they get a proper patio. 48.75% is not too cool.
Posted by drunkinsanantonio
at 7:08 PM EST
Wednesday, 24 March 2004
Phil's version of The Silver Fox
First off, I just gotta say that despite the old state-to-state routine, I'd rather write my ratings 100% sober rather than 50% sober, which I am right now. I also like time to reflect (see Renato Rosaldo, Culture and Truth: The Remaking of Social Analysis) which I don't really have being a working man. So, I'm going off my first impression ratings and, according to Mrs. Ford my old Trig teacher, "Your first guess is your best." So lemme go a few days afterward off data scored the night it happened and paint a picture of what the Silver Fox truly is.
The Silver Fox. (I used 'Sherlock's' as a diversionary tactic for the Leon Valley Oilers, but that's another story. Run them together out loud: Sherlocks, then Silver Fox.)
The chart says it all. Now for my rationale. I gave the crapper a 3 because it was really nice: the door to the sit-down can closed AND locked, sealing the masturbator away in a private shithole. I, however, am opposed to a toilet 6 feet off the ground on cinder blocks from whence one's legs dangle whilst shitting. The trough to piss in has charm, but when a Mexican with a baseball-bat sized cock comes in to piss next to you, it can be uncomfortable. Therefore my rating stands, but I'd definitely use it again.
Price I rated as a 2. It was about 4 beers of varying types for 11 bucks. I'd rather pay $1.50 per pint, but that's just me.
Entertainment. That was a 4. You had pool, darts, locals, irregulars, a patio, and a band. There was something for everyone as far as entertainment goes, though I wasn't too partial to the band.
Charm. 2. Horns and taxidermisized animal parts here and there. Not too bad, but Texas license plates are a cliche.
Appearance:3.5. Though the decor wasn't aything special, the place was very clean and they kept all the barbage picked up. For the ignorant, "barbage" is bar garbage.
Threat Level was low, I gave it a 4. There were a lot of middle-aged chicks looking for young dancnce or dick, depending on how you look at it, but the crowd was friendly and by no means wanted some sweet, sweet trouble. In the state I was in that night, had someone else been assessing a threat level, I would have increased it, therefore lowering their score.
Service: 1. I was not impressed. I wanted $5 on my tab to get a couple of tacos and they told me no. I said, "Then I guess I can't tip you either, can I?" (I paid with a card and got a receipt begging for a tip in print.) They also ran out of Coors Light. Perhaps my score is a result of drunken belligerence on this one: that's why I waive my initial negative wild card right and score of -1. With that -1 wild card, the final score would be a 46.25%. I'll insert the final adjusted score next time I get a shot at our database and can use those sweet, sweet Excel formulae.
Here's my final score:
Posted by drunkinsanantonio
at 11:55 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 24 March 2004 11:57 PM EST
Saturday, 20 March 2004
Can you post an entry in the form of an excel file?
What's it to ya?
Criterion Weight Score (1-5) Total Possible Total Possible
Can I crap in the toilet? 0.1 2.5 0.25 5 0.5
What's the damage? 0.25 4 1 5 1.25
Can I hear Tucker? 0.15 4 0.6 5 0.75
Dank and filth? 0.1 2 0.2 5 0.5
Will I die? 0.1 2 0.2 5 0.5
How quick can I get a beer? 0.1 4 0.4 5 0.5
Wild card*: 0.2 2 0.4 5 1
Total 1 20.5 20.5 35 35
Coolness: 58.57%
Posted by drunkinsanantonio
at 2:25 PM EST
Friday, 19 March 2004
Enter the Drunk
Drinking is a sport. It takes practice, endurance, stamina, money and desire. There are better ways of introducing a blog about drinking, but I'm drunk, so I'm cutting to the chase. This collaboration will be an interesting experiment, and one no doubt both collaborators will enjoy, or at least see as an escape from the harsh cold icy fingers of reality delicately massaging and squeezing out the youth that remains in the toothpaste tubes of our mortal coils. Let's see what Tucker has to say.
TPM
Posted by drunkinsanantonio
at 11:29 PM EST
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